This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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