I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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