Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
