A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
