Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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