He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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