omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
