Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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