Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
