i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
