your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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