they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
