it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
