I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
