Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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