the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
