it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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