You really coming over, don't trick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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