This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
