I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
