she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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