whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
