Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
