"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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