What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
