He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
