Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
