I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
