1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
