I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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