You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
