3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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