When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
