the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
