I wish I could teleport
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want nice things and good sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
