bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
