Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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