Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
