Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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