people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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