were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
