So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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