she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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