thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
