Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
only you would photoshop your dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
