This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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