he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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