just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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