We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
