girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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