I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
