I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies