Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.