Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my poor anus
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?