At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.