she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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