I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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