Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
