I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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