pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
