its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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