i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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