i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
