Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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