I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
