Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
